if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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