I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
