first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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