He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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