reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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