It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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