All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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