Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
