Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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