Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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