google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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