I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
