I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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