I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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