pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
