the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize