I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
