hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
