the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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