I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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