we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
