cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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