if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
