Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
