we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize