yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
