I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize