At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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