i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize