whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
