haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
