I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
