i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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