I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
