i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
