i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
