I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
