10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
