Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize