I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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