He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
