he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
