I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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