Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
