i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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