I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
