You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
