Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
