Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
