The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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