And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
