It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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