i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize