if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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