Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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