see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
