Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
