Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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