she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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