No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this hospital has no fireball
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
