She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
