yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
