Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
