My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Congratulations! We have a period
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