end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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